This is gold,
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastards name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems but then again, neither does milk.
Except number 5, I'm sure alcohol has solved problems, I don't really remember the solutions the next day but I'm sure I had them at the time.